A Convoluted Dream

Last night I had a lot of dreams. I was so tired from work. I tried to forget my dreams a little while ago because they just keep me from waking up. And a lot of the time they are bad dreams. I know if I stopped thinking about my dreams, eventually I would be like most people and not remember them after I woke up, making it seem like they had never happened. That’s how GF is. She thinks she doesn’t dream. But everyone dreams, or at least that’s what I heard. Funny the amount of things you hear and then you just take them for granted. Here is a cool video that points out ten things that most people believe that are actually not true. And here’s another list I found while looking for that video. You have to be careful on Buzzfeed. It’s too late to warn you but that site can really take a bite out of your day.

But anyway shit now it’s like an hour later and I don’t remember what I was going to say.

Oh so anyway last night’s dreams. One was that I was working with my grandmother making cookies for this restaurant, but we were working illegally out of a trailer in the parking lot behind the restaurant. And there were cops there and I was sure we were going to get shut down but I guess they were getting free cookies or something because they didn’t do anything. Then my grandmother had a stroke and died. So the food truck could not continue without her, and I was like well shit that sucks. But my sister said, well those cookies were really horrible anyway, try one. And I did, and it was nasty. So then I felt ok about the whole thing. But then I was in a room with my ex-girlfriend and she was really upset about it. And then we were crying about it on the couch and her current boyfriend walked in and I got up and said I would be back later. I didn’t want to be in the same room with them because in the dream I wanted to get back together with this ex-girlfriend. In real life she’s married and I’m really glad we’re not together. She was always sad and everyone could cheer her up except me and it made me feel like shit all the time. But in the dream world we were going to be together or something. And this guy showed up and I thought she had broken up with him. But when I saw that she hadn’t I knew it was like old times, that they would have sex and she would feel better and that made me feel really shitty. So I went into my old room, did I mention we were at my parents’ house? And I went in there and it was a total mess. Shit was everywhere. But that was normal in the context of the dream. And I sat there thinking that no one cared, that I was all alone in the world and all I wanted to do was talk to someone. And then I thought well if I could just have sex with GF (the real one) then I would feel fine. But that was impossible or something. And I wanted to die so I just went to sleep.

And then I was woken up in the dream world by that same boyfriend who was really pissed and I surmised that ex GF had told him we were getting back together so he was out. He had a little pen knife and he was brandishing it and he was a big dude, a brawler type with long blonde raggedy hair.

He said, “You’ve got three seconds to give me my phone back before I cut it out of you.” I have no idea what that means now and I didn’t know then.

I tried to calm him down, telling him to look at himself, he was obviously better than me in every way. He kept telling me to stand up, why won’t you stand up? He kept asking. And I told him I didn’t want to fight him and that I didn’t understand what was going on with that girl either. I felt like no one would ever understand or care about anything about me.

Then I woke up. I told GF the dream and as soon as I was done she said something that had nothing to do with the dream at all. Then I tried to ask what she thought of the dream and she said she was sorry she just had her mind on other things, and then she told me to tell her the dream again. Then I felt like no one would understand or care about anything about me.

Well, I know it’s not really true. But it was just a depressing thing to wake up from a dream and have the same unpleasant feeling. I walked her to class. She is graduating today from her certificate program. And it was a really nice walk and we had a nice conversation about when we used to live in DC. So that was nice. And then I called my old friend in DC and we talked about restaurant and that was great.

But I still feel like most people don’t listen to anything that I say. Maybe that’s why I like writing, because no one interrupts you. I guess I’ve said that before.

 

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