What the Hell I’m Bored

I’m lying in bed with the computer on my penis and I think this shit is killing my chances of reproducing. That’s fine with me but I don’t want to go through the headache of hearing wife crying quietly in the middle of the night because she’ll never be a mother. And that only after boring and expensive treatments at the fertility clinic and strategically timed, pleasureless sex. Woo shit maybe I should move this bitch. Ah fuck it, I’ll hope for the best. Maybe I’ll be dead by then anyway.

You ever heard that Flash and the Pan Song, Waiting for a Train? That song is hot. I heard it when I watched Rock N Rolla back when I thought Guy Ritchie was the King of Everything. Hell yeah I love those movies. But I watched Rock N Rolla like ten times in a row and then I was like shit I’m tired of this. Anyway the song is in there. I thought it was Bob Dylan at first.

Well, damn, if you got this far now we’re both bored. Shit I am bored after all. I’m sleepy as a bitch now. Last night I didn’t get to go to sleep when wife got home. She felt like staying up drinking and of course I couldn’t refused. Made pasta and even watched TV. Then this morning I went to work.

Work is great. My new place is easy, pretty much stress free. And I’m going to have normal amounts of time off, which I’ve not had for a year as I spent the first part of this year working two jobs as often as possible in order to pay for my two months abroad.

So with all this time off, well, there are things I’m supposed to be doing. New book editing project for one thing and helping old people use the internet and things like that. Shit I should be doing those things now. I just keep putting them off, probably because they are boring. But instead of saying no to working on them I promise to work on them. And instead of just trading standard boredom for the kind of boredom I would be experiencing while working on those projects, the kind of boredom that would clear my conscience, I say fuck it, and just stay bored and don’t do anything. So then I’m bored and guilty.

God damn this shit is boring.

Woo damn I could fall asleep at any second here. Any second could just pass right the hell out. Wife is working on her essay. Then we are going out to eat noodles or Thai food or Mexican, but we’ll never decide which without a battery of tests, AKA reading stupid reviews on Yelp. It’s a great way to convince yourself not to go somewhere.

That shit will be boring, too. Fuck everywhere you look it’s boredom cowering in the corners, boredom folding your laundry, boredom sitting on the floor in front of your refrigerator tracing lines in a pile of broken glass.

Even drinking is boring. Talking is boring, writing is boring, breathing also boring…walking even more boring.

I’m actually in a good-ish mood but I have to piss but I don’t want to get up. We had to push the bed against the wall on my side to create more room in the bedroom. For what I don’t know because we still haven’t got any furniture. I think I can feel the radiation dripping inside of my scrotum. Boredom paralysis. Fear. Boredom. Nothing. Keeping your neck up with your core muscles. Going to the gym is boring. Don’t even go any more. We moved away and I didn’t know I had signed a year long agreement to pay the stupid fee. Of course I did, why wouldn’t I. Bills are boring.

I actually kind of like bills and numbers. Shit the music went out. Three times as boring as before. Music is the only reason to live anyway.

Nah, fuck, the only reason to live is to hang out with people and talk about how bored you were the other day. While listening to music and drinking, preferably. Driving is fun, too, the right kind of driving of course. Playing sports is generally fun. Watching TV, not boring. Sleeping. Fuck sleeping. Last night I had a dream I was sort of homeless. This guy offered to let me stay in his house and I was like dude leave me alone I’m only sort of homeless. And I was walking around the mall and I left my bookbag somewhere and they locked it in there with those garage door style gates they have.

Hoo damn I am going to fall asleep now for sure. It’s only 7. We still have to eat. Fuck it, no good way to end this post. Still bored.

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