I got this letter in the mail from my dental insurance today. I just got dental insurance at the start of this year. I actually had it last year, too, but that was provided by the government of Massachusetts. They couldn’t process all the requests in time, so they just handed out free temporary insurance. That was a sweet deal.

Now I’m paying two hundred dollars a week for insurance and I made sure I got the best I could get because fuck it, if I’m going to get health insurance I don’t want a lot of bullshit.

So I get the letter and I figured it was just some old shit about updating your policy or sending me a new card or something. What it is is a paper that says, “this is not a bill,” and then proceeds to list the costs of these procedures I somehow managed to get done at the dentist already and how much they are willing to pay of those costs. That’s it. So I don’t know if these mother fuckers have negotiated that price with the dentist or if I’m going to get a bill from the god damn dentist now. Them bitches never said anything about charging me and now it looks like I owe them three hundred dollars. And out of the four hundred and fifty that the procedures cost, the insurance is going to pay a hundred and twenty seven. What the fuck? What’s the fucking point of that shit? I’m paying that shit a week!

Fuck, man. I thought if I got the best insurance and just paid for it, I wouldn’t have to worry about this dumb shit. it appears, however, that I should have just paid outright for this shit and fuck insurance.

And I ain’t making no money which is fine, except if I have to pay three hundred dollars every time I look at a dentist. Plus my wife went there a couple weeks later so I guess they going to send me another bill and maybe they will only pay for thirty dollars of that. Shit I could get my friend’s cousin Wilma to pay more of my medical bills than these fucks seem willing to.

So now I had the whole day planned out and I did all that and then I walk up in here and open my mail to find that shit out. God damn it. If bad news ain’t calling you on the phone it’s waiting in your mailbox.