Good afternoon denizens of Earth! Good afternoon you crazy bastards!

Proverbs says that he who rises early in the morning and blesses his friend loudly will count it a curse upon himself, so I have risen early in the afternoon and blessed you fuckers loudly in order to avoid that fate.

Yes, here we are, the 50th day of the year and what the fuck is happening to it all?

I spent the morning calling my grandfather, who is really happy for me, but would be happier if I moved to California and worked at his friend’s company, and if I also was working on building an Amway business and also spending the rest of my free time at church, so it’s like he’s in love with me but also wants me to do my life completely differently, so talking on the phone with him is always enough to set me on edge. But I’m not complaining! Lord, no, not me! Some people’s grandfathers died out of cancer or got shot by Pancho Villa or Black Jack Pershing. Of course, the old “could be worse” argument hasn’t done much for me.

Then I said to myself, “Mother of fuck, Gordon K. Flanders, you tawdry universe of molecules, why don’t you just write a thousand words and be done with it!” So then I did write a thousand words, even though I didn’t want to, and it took me like an hour, and I was ready to keep writing but I stopped myself and said, “This is what’s wrong with you! Stop, you bastard, and just fucking be done with it!” So that’s what I did and then I proceeded to catch up a little bit on that old man’s book work I’ve been avoiding.

Maybe that’s the secret, I’ll just write a thousand words a day and no fucking more than that, by God!

But there are more pressing issues, folks, indeed, the time has come! Yes, well! And I will tell you all about those pressing issues! Some other time! Exclamation point!

Have a good fucking afternoon, metaphorically speaking.