Dudes Love Dicks

I was talking to a fellow bartender the other day, a woman, who said she isn’t interested in male comedians because four out of five of them base their jokes on penises.

Then I looked at this story I just wrote and there’s a dream where the guy sees flies on his penis. And I’m always talking about sucking my own dick.

I guess I’m obsessed with my penis. I don’t mind, I’m just mad I didn’t notice until now.

Then yesterday I read this interview with Mary Karr, a memoirist who I need to check out. In it there was this bit:

MK: You can ask me about my relationship with David Wallace all you like; I’m not going to talk about his penis.

NYT: That’s one of the least interesting things about any man, really.

MK: If only they knew that.

Ha! Shit I had no idea. Well I guess I’ll stop bringing up my penis all the time.

And I guess I’ll stop watching porn all the time based on this bit from Mary Karr in the same interview:

I’ve also never Googled myself. It wouldn’t occur to me to do so. It’s the same reason I don’t watch pornography. It’s not that I occupy some moral high ground. I just think: Down that road lies madness.

I never thought about it, though probably obvious to enlightened persons, but porn is probably damaging to the psyche. I was just so happy to watch porn after throwing off the mantle of Christian guilt.

I guess I’ll think cut that shit out!

But I ain’t gonna stop drinkin’, no matter what Mary Karr says about it.

9 thoughts on “Dudes Love Dicks

  1. I wish women made more vag gags. But it’s considered crude. Maybe I’ll make more vag gags, like ‘my mother-in-law’s tight as my vag’. Hmmm, see, it’s not easy. We can pretend to have dicks though, those sentences work, like: ‘suck my dick, you perv’. Very American though… I like the detail of Kitchen dreaming about flies in his crotch. I googled the significance of flies and there are myriad interpretations. Mostly negative though… Did you get my notes?

  2. Yes, it seems dudes are more enamoured of their dicks than women are. It’s something I’ve suspected for a long time. And it’s nice knowing that I’m not the only one who started watching a lot of porn after throwing off the mantle of Christian guilt. Perhaps I was “acting out”, or merely celebrating my new found freedom. I don’t know. All I do know is that my wife wasn’t well pleased.

  3. I agree. Guys like their dicks way more than women do. The whole dick pic movement? Totally guys thinking that’s what women want to see, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Guys love themselves some penis.

  4. Women don’t find nob jokes funny? That’s news to me…unlike the news that most men think the universe gravitates around their crotch. It’s not your fault guys, I think it’s socially ingrained. I personally don’t see a problem with porn in moderation. As long as you aren’t jacking off to the computer multiple times a day and refusing to touch your significant other (without a damned good reason, like you gave syphilis or something).

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