I am lying in a pond trapped under a few things I said I would do. I am trying to forget the weight and hold my breath in peace. Then I get a phone call and I watch it go away. I wouldn’t have noticed, but I was looking at my phone. I am looking at my phone too much, mostly to distract myself from myself. I tried to put all my recurring worries in a list on my phone so that I wouldn’t have to think about them any more. But now I just look at my phone a lot and wonder what I forgot. I guess I am doing okay.
I slept late today and I thought that would be good. I think it was. I don’t feel good. I am sad now. Now I have to go to work, just like in the old days. How long will I have to do this? I don’t like going to work. But maybe it is better than staying home. I don’t know.
My friend just got yet another job. She’s gotten two jobs while I have been looking for any other job. But I am not very good at looking for jobs or anything else because I can’t do the same thing two days in a row. Except go to work and clean the house and everything that I do every day which seems like I’ve been doing it since the beginning of time.