Guys I am really sad right now and I can’t let it go. I got up this morning kind of energetic and getting things done like. Now I am sitting in a basement in an uncomfortable chair. It smells like someone didn’t take a shower for a lifetime and then spread blue cheese on themselves. It smells like they just left this chair. Meanwhile people are walking around doing their jobs and shit, distracting me from writing this and processing my pain.
It’s my break, but I’m trying to save money so I’m not going out for espresso today. It’s prayer mats covering the concrete floor. Cages and shit down here. Now my friend comes over with a big metal bowl of rice and beef and chews that shit loud as a mother fucker and he’s asking me what’s the meaning of this text he just got. He doesn’t speak too much English.
I told him I would find him a girl, I don’t know why. I told him that a long time ago and he won’t let me forget. Now we’re sharing this moment where I’m trying to listen to some music before I go back to work and my failure to fulfill that promise hangs between us. Now he’s calling the bank or something and has it in speakerphone while he eats.
Well I suppose he’s providing me a distraction. Certainly can’t think straight in this strange turn of events. And I got what, ten minutes before work again.
Sad sad sad what was I sad about…
“No pork in this food.”
“No pork right buddy?”
“I love it.”
He’s Muslim, no pork.
Well I’ve got to go. Basically I’m sad because I thought I could do a good job for the sake of doing a good job, but in the end I need someone else’s approval to feel like I really did do a good job, and that person is withholding her approval and is in fact telling me that I did shit worse than usual, which is so weird since I tried harder today to do good, but you know it has nothing to do with me, she’s just capricious. But I’m still sad though. Damn Thursdays kill me.