Today I Waited on the CEO of SquareSpace. Goodnight.

Man I don’t know what the fuck to even write about. Today I went to work and thought i was going to die of boredom and nothingness all the way there. It was daylight savings time today so we set the clocks back, but I didn’t set my watch back, so for thirty minutes I thought I was running out of time, and then I saw that I wasn’t, and I gained an hour. That was a good feeling but then I started working on this project and it felt like I was getting nowhere.

Then I got to work and it was fine, whatever, but I eventually felt better.

Woo there’s some dramatic tension for you right there. What else? Nothing else. I waited on the CEO of Squarespace today. I only know about him because of Ira Glass.

Cold as a bitch around here.

Man I have nothing at all to say, but it’s been a few days since my last post so I figured I’d better throw some shit on the fire.

Whiskey and Ginger

Suddenly I feel like an old woman. I listen to the clock ticking, like it used to do at my grandmother’s house when the TV wasn’t on any more and there was nothing left to say. It’s late at night. We are going to sleep soon and things have been done well today. ¬†Things have been checked off the list. I achieved a kind of high. It didn’t last all day, but anyway the day went pretty well. Just because I can’t write anything worth writing right now doesn’t mean that the day has been a failure, and after all I am very comfortable and clean and warm underneath this blanket, even if I didn’t really need dessert.

GF and I are on the couch with the blanket over our legs and she is reading Saveur magazine. She just dropped it so I guess she has gone to sleep. I’m there on the verge, too. I was trying to write a story something like a PG Wodehouse story with characters from small town America, but not the small towns there used to be, like Mayberry, but rather like small towns are now, where people hang out at Wal-Mart.

But then suddenly I felt tired and old and like an old woman and the clock was ticking and I just stared at my dining room table and thought fuck it. The world is a crazy place. Especially because at work all they do is play “A Boy Named Sue” every day and “Mad World.” Who can eat anything when that song is playing?

I had a whiskey and ginger today when we came home from grocery shopping. I felt like an old white man then, and it felt pretty good.

I don’t know what I had in mind when I started writing on here again tonight. I thought I felt like writing, once again, but I get on here and just freeze up. The floorboards creak whenever the heater stops clicking. Once in a while a car goes by outside. I remember I used to sleep sometimes in my sister’s room when we were young, and car seemed to pass more often in there. Now that I’m listening it sounds like a lot of cars are going by out there. And maybe it’s raining, too. We cleaned the apartment from about 8:30 to 9:30. We vacuumed and dusted and I put tape all over the rugs and lifted it up again to get all of GF’s hair out of it. I forget how I thought of that method, but it really works much better than my cheap Dirt Devil from 1989 or some foul year of our Lord. There’s half a glass of milk on the table. I started to drink a lot of it and I remembered my stomach last night. And after all I didn’t stop early enough. GF tore up a mango and pulpy shards of it stick out from the core where she ate around it. I had two different kinds of desserts that she made in school today. She brought out Saveur and a book about cheese because she hasn’t been able to read anything about food since she started school. But she didn’t get far today before she turned to her iPhone and looked up some restaurants. She decided we should try Hot Pot.

My eyes are getting heavier and heavier. Everything is monochromatic. Greys and whites and blacks. Even the green of the potted plants takes on some of the gray. The lamps are silver with orange gray shades and so the light has a silver tone. And GF is wearing a yellow hoodie that barely peaks out of the white and black floral printed quilt. The mango pops out, too, in a wholly unappetizing manner. And then there are the cold blue lights of the modem underneath of the empty entertainment center. The clock is gray, the doors are white, the kitchen is bathed in black.

It’s definitely raining out there now. The weather reports had it raining and snowing today, or at least that’s what I’d heard, I never look at weather reports. And it was sunny and nice all day. And then as it began to get dark around 7 or 8, something like that, it started to get cold and windy and I knew this would happen. Long as it doesn’t snow. I need to actually make money at work. Last week it snowed right before my Tuesday, too. And besides that I don’t feel like riding my bike in the snow now.

The upstairs neighbors were playing Yeah Yeah Yeahs really loud today, and not the regular stuff but some extra bassy remixes. Then they got delivery like they always do. The strangest thing happened yesterday. Thepeople downstiars were having a super kick ass party with dancing and loud karaoke and everything, right in the middle of the day. GF was not happy at all. She likes her Sundays quiet. So I had to go talk to them for the first time since they moved in a month or so ago. And the amazing thing was that after I talked to them, the party disbanded. Within an hour, all was quiet. Silent night.

We’ve got to start looking for another apartment soon. We should’ve been looking already. Apartments around here go in September but they’re sold around this time. It’s a real bitch because we hardly just moved in here.

Anyway. I was thinking I was going to do some kind of writing, I don’t know what. It’s back to the grindstone tomorrow. And anyway that’s good. Got to make money for the Eurotrip.

And We Would Cook a Corn Meal Porridge

Readability Index: Weak

Well, shit.

It is almost one AM. It’s funny how some people say, “It’s 1 AM in the morning.” I’ve never done it before, but one day, by God, I’m going to say, “Yeah by that time it was like 2 AM in the night.” I bet no one will think anything of it. Because it makes total sense to me.

Well, but shit.

This is to be my wind down post before going to bed.

God I love hitting that publish button so much. All the words blocked off in their appropriate fences with pretty blue titles. And all the ways to keep track of them. To catalogue them. I love cataloguing. I could totally dig a job where I just fixed people’s iTunes libraries. I love databases, especially the ones with no point whatsoever. Of course those kinds of databases don’t exist.

I love the Mad Hatter.

Yes, but I am trying to wind down, and unlike this morning, well I just can’t stop my fingers. They are moving so fast and with such precision that it almost hurts to watch. God. How did I get born with fingers that work? Jesus Christ. What if my fingers were cut off in a freak trolley incident? What a bitch that would be. What difficulties that would present.

I am so god damned perfect. Like a machine. Like a sad machine. Like a god damned ecstatic James Brown SEX MACHINE!

Well but shit. It is imperative that I calm down now so that I can go to bed. So that I can wash those god damn dishes that led to this beautiful coconut muffin that my super hot girlfriend just made.

She is so super hot that I am afraid of time. I am afraid that she will get older and so will I. I will have saggy balls. What a bitch. She is so super hot that I just want to jump into a drying tub of amber with her and die like that French movie called…The Game. But in French.

But for now. We are both so perfect. No diseases. Ten fingers. What a couple of assholes we are.


Shit. The dishes. The dishes. I think…no, I know that that is what life is REALLY ABOUT. Life is really about doing the dishes. I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again and again. Because I feel that it is true, and I know that I know why, but I can’t articulate it, even to myself. I know that life is about doing the dishes, but I don’t know why I know that.

But that’s neither here nor there, as my friend would say who has gone to Afghanistan for a year and we parted on bad terms. Isn’t that a bitch. We have been friends since High School. We have been so cool together and now he is seconds away from dying and we don’t even like each other.

Yes, but as another friend wisely told me in a funny voice, “Friendship is a long and bumpy road.” Yes. Yesssss.

Well. Shit.

These muffins are delicious. And I never expected to be given the gift of sitting here for two or three hours after work just doing my own thang.

The truth is if it weren’t for my girlfriend I would have no structure in my life whatsoever. I would probably be watching¬†Marley the Bob Marley documentary right now and blogging about it. And I would do that for about three hours and love the hell out of it and not eat a god damn thing. Then I would watch some porn and then I would blog some more and then the sun would come up and I would have not eaten or drank or took my coat off. There are many bloggers out there who come to this and find it a pleasurable state. I do, too, until later when I look back, like when I’m at work and I think if I got anything done that day, then I am not happy about it. So God only knows what the fuck is going on. But my girl makes me go to bed and wake up in the morning and eat and wash the goddamn dishes. And take showers. Trust me I’d be the dirtiest mother fucker alive. I love taking showers once I’m in the shower but I hate undressing and getting in there.

Showers are just about the most luxurious fucking thing anybody could ever do. And millions of “poor” Americans take showers every day. We are rich as a bitch over here! Showers feel fucking great. God damn I am an American! How did this shit happen. In France I had to shower in cold water and it sucked sucked sucked. I have taken many cold showers on the advice of Tim Ferriss and the venerable General George Patton, but those were for a purpose. Hot showers…man they are one big fuck you to the Earth, but I can’t stay away. Yes I know. I’m a terrible Earthling.

Ah, but fuck I will talk about that some other time. I can’t even be bothered to stop typing long enough to pick up that goddamn muffin! Yum so good. Oh god it’s warm and good. It’s so goooood o fuck. Jesus.

What the shit am I doing with my life! Christ in heaven and blazing angels pissing on Willie Nelson this muffin is good!

Yes, so now to do the dishes.

There is so much more to talk about. I can go without sleep. And I totally would. But y girlfriend’s home and the mother fucking hammer is down.

Tomorrow I work early in the morning and she is not going on a field trip so we may be just talking and laughing the early hours away. AKA staying stone cold the fuck asleep because we stayed up until two AM in the night.

So I’ll just be reading Ruth Reichl on the bus and itching to get back here around 4 PM and type my ass off.

Right now…the dishes.