I do my best to guard others against discomfort, especially those closest to me. Turns out it’s not helpful, it’s impossible in the long term, and it hurts me.
Have faith in your innate ability to understand the music.
I woke up from a dream of dancing. Filled with grace and joy, I could only express a kind of jerky willingness to participate.
How pointless it is to talk to yourself when you’re not even listening.
When I started lying, I didn’t know the evil inherent in convenience.
I heard that delaying gratification is a skill that predicts success, but I forgot that it’s a dangerous thing to do when you might die tomorrow.
At work today I tried to remember how to play the drums. My brother was showing me these guys who play drums for money. I was like damn I could have done that. But I didn’t think that was an option.
So anyways I downloaded a metronome app and just made the motions of keeping a beat. I probably can’t set up my drums here in New York, but I bet I could pretty good just pretending I’m actually hitting drums.
Damn how sexy would I be then? Drummer, bartender, writer. I better start working out.
I went home. I got back. I forgot to post yesterday. That’s a chink in my plan to post every day until 2018. Since I failed, I would usually give up now. So instead I’ll just post twice today and keep it going.
I’m afraid to change things here on this blog because Gordon Flanders is a nihilist and proud of it. Me I’m tired of seeming like I’m getting away with everything.
I’m thirty years old. I’ve been living ten years as a nihilist if not in action at least in thought. My life looks okay from the outside but my thoughts are fucked up. I got secrets.
And I’m finding out how much of a follower I am, philosophically. It’s okay to be unoriginal as long as you know it. I thought being nihilistic was the way that everyone should be, because it’s the truth that nothing matters. How could anything have value in a crazy world like ours.
But it turns out I bought my worldview at the same store as everyone else.
Stick around y’all. Looks like I’ve still got some interesting posts up my sleeves.
Dad wants to know if Obama was good at basketball. Mom wants to talk about the ‘aporkalypse’. Brother wants to talk about Rousseau. Anderson Cooper wants to talk about imminent nuclear war.
I went home and told some truths. It felt better than I thought it would. I haven’t started on the really big deceptions, or even the kind of big ones, but I am encouraged.