Crispy Violinist Gridlock

Guess what I’m doing right now? Marinating a goddamn steak. You think I want to? Of course not! I just walked two hours in the goddamn wind and rain to get this steak and a shit ton of cat food and now I am marinating this fucker. Son of a bitch Jesus Christ god damn it. Cats all running around like they don’t got no sense. Fuck I hate cooking. Rather eat the cat food. Dreary ass piece of shit day is what. 

How’s yours going?

Charity Case

God damn I am hungry. They are in the kitchen, cooking, and outside they are cooking, too. And the dad just got home and caught me trying to take his propane tank to the gas station to get it filled. I knew I’d put it in the wrong place in the car so I just kind of stood there, waiting for him to get annoyed and tell me where to put it. It didn’t take long, just about one second after I gave up waiting for him to say something and put it in the trunk.

At the gas station they asked me why I parked so far from the propane tank filling station. I didn’t know where the damn thing was, I said, and they laughed at me. They knew it couldn’t be true, because it was one of their propane tanks. They knew it well. They remembered the ID number. They knew I wasn’t the type to steal an empty tank of propane. They were some smart cookies.

Anyway, they laughed at me like the rest. And then it was over. I was talking to a guy cutting my hair and he said that he used to work in the city but everything changed after 9/11. He was a Russian Jew with dark skin and dark hair. And he laughed at me, too, but that didn’t have anything to do with propane. Instead he was laughing because I was a goddamn fool, and I tried to charge the haircut.

But I went to the gas station with my in-laws money. And I got the receipt and now they are cooking in the kitchen and I am going to fall asleep on this damn couch smelling like fried food.