I woke up from a dream of dancing. Filled with grace and joy, I could only express a kind of jerky willingness to participate.
Man I saw the trap coming and I still fell in. Nassim Taleb said that if he woke up in the morning and knew what was going to happen that day he’d feel a little dead.
I don’t know how it happened, I tried to follow my bliss. I just worked on ebook stuff I thought that would be enough. I’m making ebooks again for money. Not writing them, just making them.
Now my stomach hurts like a mother fucker, I been sitting all day, and I have to leave here and go to work and I ain’t even dressed and the cats ain’t even been played with and so now I have to feel bad about that, too. Damn damn damn. No escape. Feels like I’m rewriting a post from 2014.
Taleb also wrote that there are people for whom life is a project, and these people make one feel nauseous. I guess I treat my life like a project and it always seems never to be getting anywhere. I would try to enjoy it for what it is, but I hate my job, and it seems I’m always at my job. I don’t really hate my job while I’m there. I hate that I’m wasting time there. I hate thinking about it. And I hate a lot of the people I wait on.
How to get out of the whole cycle? I don’t know, I don’t know! I guess I just need to get through one hour at a time. Just push through, it’ll all be over soon. Everything will all be over.
Shit I just wrote this whole blog post about nothing, and then I thought to myself, wow I have gotten two hundred words into this blog post and I have said nothing worth saying.
Man shit I don’t have anything to say, I’m just trying to avoid pushing ahead on this new story I am writing. It’s a story about nothing, just people getting in a car so far. I like getting in cars and listening to music. And I like the idea of smoking cigarettes. So that is what my stories are always about, until I get tired of writing them and stop.
Ok back to work then.
God damn Daily Post fucking me up again, didn’t post my fucking response. I know if they would just post that shit I could come up with a hundred views no problem. Son of a bitch frustrating ass shit. Funny thing is I don’t even know why I want a hundred views.
I got shit I should be doing but I ain’t doing that shit. Shit that ain’t even true. I just got to write that god damn story. I like writing why don’t I want to write that shit? I don’t fucking know! Fuck!
Ok trying again. For real this time.
God damn it I’ve been looking for a new theme for an hour and a half and I still have shit to do on my stupid projects that I don’t want to do fuck. And this is what I came up with. This shit is huge! God Jesus Christ.
Whatever. We’ll see what happens now. I don’t fucking know any more, I been sitting here having to pee for hours and hours and not fucking accomplishing shit. I’m just going to change it back I guess. I guess I should learn how to write CSS code or some shit. It’s a good thing I did something early today or I’d be fucked. I mean, I’m pretty much…ah fuck this is some dumb shit.