Just Need 8 People to Look at This, Thanks

Ah sheeit tonight had a good night, and now about to go to bed and in six hours or so I will get up and go my ass to Cape Cod. GF and I are going there for just a couple days to chill and celebrate her graduating from culinary school. If the weather is nice, I’ve got a ring and I’m going to propose. Pretty nervous about doing that. I feel like I should do some hot air balloon count of Monte Cristo type shit but I’m just not really that kind of guy and despite all girls being into the big romantic gesture even though they say they’re not, well I guess maybe she’s really not, or anyway I just don’t want it to get cheesy, especially since we’ve been together for seven years. Anyway she really liked Jim and Pam from the office and how he proposed at the gas station in the rain, so maybe something weird will happen like that.

But anyway I didn’t start on here to talk about that. Truthfully I got on here to post something so that I would get a reasonable amount of views today and finish out the stat week strong. If I can get at least eight views today I can finish with an average of ten views this week, and that will make me feel more like a real success in life, or some bullshit, I really don’t understand how I put so much stock into getting ten views when a real blog gets a million or whatever, and when really what is a view, and why is that shit like an endorphin creator. But there you have it, I just wanted to post something so people will look at so I will have a ten view per day average for the week.

I have always liked numbers in a weird way, like stats and how many times I’ve played a song in my iTunes database. I don’t know.

Anyway at the bar tonight it was pretty fucking crazy, but me and my partner handled that shit and made some good money. The worst thing is that I made more this week than I ever have in a week, but I made less last week than I have in a long time, so my two week paycheck will look about even and not reflect that I had a kick ass week.

Oh well, fuck it. I need to watch The Cosmos again, or just plain Cosmos, whatever that Carl Sagan shit is. That’s some real shit. But anyway have a nice couple of days without me.

My Plant is Getting Weird

I’m just chilling up in the office after work. I got home and GF was already asleep even though it’s only 11:45 or so, but she has to wake up at five or something like that. Usually I get home and walk in the room and she wakes up and she wants me to come to be bed right away but tonight she was out.

So I poured some Puffins and ate that shit up and my stomach is churning and my hands are shaking and my eyes are blinking uncontrollably and I don’t really know what the fuck is wrong with me. I had two beers and a few glasses of wine on my break but I didn’t think it would fuck me up for the whole night. Maybe I drank too much milk.

But anyway, I’m just in here chilling, listening to some Sade to put me in the cool, and I turn and look at this plant that’s been chilling here in the office ever since we moved and holy fuck it’s growing. I mean that bitch has it’s arm sticking out all crazy like and weird white shit coming out of it all tendril like. Shit’s scary than a motherfucker.

And I was even going to write anything in this bitch. Yesterday was my first zero view day in a couple weeks and that shit got me depressed. Sometimes I get on these kicks where I check that shit every day, but it’s not really worth it to do that, but I just can’t stop myself. And so I was like fuck it I’m not going to write anything, but then that plant came out of the corner and I didn’t have anybody to tell it to, so fuck it.

when plants attack

 

Here’s a picture of it. It’s in a weird looking pot.

Thoughts Upon Waking Up (Not Deep)

Just got out of bed it’s about ten AM over here on the East Coast and I straight took off work today out of nowhere. It was probably imprudent of me to tell GF this since all she wants is a day off, having just graduated culinary school, but instead she has been scheduled for every day this week at her job that she worked part time while in school. I just realized this as I woke up from a luxurious sleep. She was good not to say anything about it this morning, she left nicely aside from the usual turning on and off of the lights, and that wasn’t so bad because she used the little light. So that was nice of her. But anyway the point is that I have the whole day off. And the more startling thing is that I have tomorrow off, too, except that I have to go in and “deep clean” at 2:00, which was abruptly decided yesterday around 2 PM.

Ah shit I’ll never have the blog of my dreams, the mad views, if I just write like this all the time, just write whatever comes into my head and call that the end of the day. Last night I dreamt that I had a surge of viewers all the sudden, and they were all swelling on this one post and then they were moving onto other posts and it just came out of nowhere after I wrote about an old person in my family dying of Alzheimer’s. And somehow the stat tracking was so crazy I just threw it over trees and draped it around and stuff. I don’t know, that was crazy. Then I dreamed that my chess playing cousin (who doesn’t play chess and no one in the family does but in the dream we all did) was hit by a car and died. He was arguing with his siblings about the way he should drive when he pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car and was immediately run over. Bad way to watch someone go, right after an argument. Cars are deadly. Kurt Vonnegut in Man Without a Country says:

Our government is conducting a war against drugs, is it? Let them go after petroleum. Talk about a destructive high! You put some of this stuff in your car and you can go a hundred miles an hour, run over the neighbor’s dog, and tear the atmosphere to smithereens.

The Dead Weather in Cut Like a Buffalo says:

You can hit me if you have to

Whatever makes you happy

You should try to take it easy on me

Cuz I don’t know how to take it

Hoo shit my computer froze up right there thought I was going to lose what I wrote so far. That wouldn’t be such a tragedy I guess it only took me about ten minutes to write all that.

I’m trying to think of what I should do today. I think I should do something like an adult. I should go to the motherfucking bank like an adult! I can’t be funny today so I’m just using other people. Maybe I’ll get some coffee and try again. The coffee at work just tastes like shit and gives me a bad feeling. It’s weird because I don’t really believe that’s true, because I know it’s all just coffee, but every time I drink it I don’t feel good.

The First Paragraph of This Post is Mildly Interesting

What am I thinking about today? The tyranny of time and how to usurp the throne. Perhaps just get rid of all the clocks in the house. If only I didn’t have a job I could just do things whenever I wanted. Or perhaps have one clock with tape over the face of it set to the time that I need to go to work. Is there a way to get rid of the clock on the computer though? I don’t know, but I could set it to the wrong time. No I’d figure out the difference in time soon enough. Maybe just put a piece of tape over that part of the screen.

I’m always worried about how much time is passing and if I’m doing the right thing. If I could just forget about time I could do whatever I want without feeling guilty or whatever.

I was thinking about that for a while. Last night I got pretty drunk and spent some money to celebrate GF’s graduation. Last night I did not sleep well, or rather this morning I didn’t. I guess I went to bed at 2:30 and didn’t wake up at all until 8 or something and then I was in and out and uncomfortable and had really stupid dreams, like one where I was just searching in my bag for my shoes and I just couldn’t find them for what seemed like hours. And then another one with these weird fashionistas riding enormous unicycles down the street and smiling down into our cars and asking if we liked their clothes in a somehow menacing manner.

There are people everywhere sawing shit up and scrubbing shit down and making spring improvements so the street is filled with noise. It’s perfect out there except for that.

We saw these girls in a Volvo convertible waving to everyone and reveling in their lives and saying “Wooo!!!!” They were really annoying.

I want to read more novels.

I feel bad for staying inside when it’s nice out. Up to this point I have spent all day outside though. I got some iced coffee and a sandwich at Cutty’s. Then we ate them in the common.

Now I’m trying to think of something to think about.

I also dreamed that my brother worked at the 7-11.

A Convoluted Dream

Last night I had a lot of dreams. I was so tired from work. I tried to forget my dreams a little while ago because they just keep me from waking up. And a lot of the time they are bad dreams. I know if I stopped thinking about my dreams, eventually I would be like most people and not remember them after I woke up, making it seem like they had never happened. That’s how GF is. She thinks she doesn’t dream. But everyone dreams, or at least that’s what I heard. Funny the amount of things you hear and then you just take them for granted. Here is a cool video that points out ten things that most people believe that are actually not true. And here’s another list I found while looking for that video. You have to be careful on Buzzfeed. It’s too late to warn you but that site can really take a bite out of your day.

But anyway shit now it’s like an hour later and I don’t remember what I was going to say.

Oh so anyway last night’s dreams. One was that I was working with my grandmother making cookies for this restaurant, but we were working illegally out of a trailer in the parking lot behind the restaurant. And there were cops there and I was sure we were going to get shut down but I guess they were getting free cookies or something because they didn’t do anything. Then my grandmother had a stroke and died. So the food truck could not continue without her, and I was like well shit that sucks. But my sister said, well those cookies were really horrible anyway, try one. And I did, and it was nasty. So then I felt ok about the whole thing. But then I was in a room with my ex-girlfriend and she was really upset about it. And then we were crying about it on the couch and her current boyfriend walked in and I got up and said I would be back later. I didn’t want to be in the same room with them because in the dream I wanted to get back together with this ex-girlfriend. In real life she’s married and I’m really glad we’re not together. She was always sad and everyone could cheer her up except me and it made me feel like shit all the time. But in the dream world we were going to be together or something. And this guy showed up and I thought she had broken up with him. But when I saw that she hadn’t I knew it was like old times, that they would have sex and she would feel better and that made me feel really shitty. So I went into my old room, did I mention we were at my parents’ house? And I went in there and it was a total mess. Shit was everywhere. But that was normal in the context of the dream. And I sat there thinking that no one cared, that I was all alone in the world and all I wanted to do was talk to someone. And then I thought well if I could just have sex with GF (the real one) then I would feel fine. But that was impossible or something. And I wanted to die so I just went to sleep.

And then I was woken up in the dream world by that same boyfriend who was really pissed and I surmised that ex GF had told him we were getting back together so he was out. He had a little pen knife and he was brandishing it and he was a big dude, a brawler type with long blonde raggedy hair.

He said, “You’ve got three seconds to give me my phone back before I cut it out of you.” I have no idea what that means now and I didn’t know then.

I tried to calm him down, telling him to look at himself, he was obviously better than me in every way. He kept telling me to stand up, why won’t you stand up? He kept asking. And I told him I didn’t want to fight him and that I didn’t understand what was going on with that girl either. I felt like no one would ever understand or care about anything about me.

Then I woke up. I told GF the dream and as soon as I was done she said something that had nothing to do with the dream at all. Then I tried to ask what she thought of the dream and she said she was sorry she just had her mind on other things, and then she told me to tell her the dream again. Then I felt like no one would understand or care about anything about me.

Well, I know it’s not really true. But it was just a depressing thing to wake up from a dream and have the same unpleasant feeling. I walked her to class. She is graduating today from her certificate program. And it was a really nice walk and we had a nice conversation about when we used to live in DC. So that was nice. And then I called my old friend in DC and we talked about restaurant and that was great.

But I still feel like most people don’t listen to anything that I say. Maybe that’s why I like writing, because no one interrupts you. I guess I’ve said that before.

 

The First Twenty Minutes

Sometimes I wake up with a plan or an idea of what I want to do with the first twenty minutes of my day and it’s usually writing and somehow that shit always goes awry. Like today I got on the computer and my email says that it can’t connect with my server or something because the password’s wrong so I figure somebody has hacked into my account so I spend fifteen minutes fixing that and then I can’t remember if it’s my mom’s birthday so I have to ask my dad (terrible I know but I was pretty sure it was and it was so close enough) and then I finally start to write something and then GF is yelling at me “Can you hear me!” no I can’t! What are you saying! Then I have to go over there and then I miss the whole song I put on to play while I was writing because I was just going to write while she was in the shower but that’s over now.

Oh well. Fuck it.

Boring Post

Ah shit. Bad sleep last night. GF had to be up early to go to work. Like six AM. I woke up and saw ZzzQuil on the dresser next to the bed. Hope I didn’t keep her up with mad ravings and coughs and snorting sounds. I am a little sick.

Yesterday before work I had an iced coffee with a shot in it. That was a good idea, even though it seemed like a bad idea when I did it. Sometimes it hits me right and sometimes wrong. It was wrong the last three times before yesterday.

We had some interesting people last night. All different tabs and this lady was scared to leave her credit card with us.

Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder

If I could put a notion in his head:

Why do they make good neighbors? Isn’t it

Where there are cows? But here there are no cows…”

Yeah I been trying to memorize this poem for almost six months now. It’s pretty crazy because I don’t really know any other poems by heart. I guess in the old days people didn’t have much else to do but memorize poems. And anyway I guess I do know a lot of song lyrics.

I just saw a bird out the window that I’ve never seen before. Just a little one but it was all black and white. It’s gray outside again. It was bright when I woke up.

Ramen After Work

It’s two in the morning and it has been a helluva day. GF is not here. She is still in NYC where I came from this morning. She’ll be there until Friday or so, meaning that somehow I’ve got to have enough self discipline to go to bed and then wake up. Changing states is a bitch. I never want to go to sleep and I never want to wake up.

I got back a little while ago, around 1:50 I guess, and threw on some ramen. There wasn’t much of anything in the house, being that we were away. I made it according to the directions and poured it into a bowl and the broth got all over everything. Fuck it. I put that shit back in the pot and boiled all the broth away. Now I’m letting it sit there until it gets cold. And then I’ll eat it. That’s how I do ramen.

I really just want to stay up and write and read and shit, but I guess I’d better go to sleep now since I have to be back at work at ten. This morning I caught a bus out of NYC around 8. I had to get up at 6:30 to leave Greenpoint in the rain. Then the bus was late and I had to take another bus to get home and put my uniform on before turning around and leaving the same way. Once I got to work, Coworker had nothing set up and we struggled through a super intense day and the waves of crusties never stopped. Until around 11.

Big money, but I’m going to pay for it tomorrow.

Another Strange Day Off

Well shit here we are again drinking the blood of the earth and wondering whether or not the entire fourth division of the Santa Barbara Mockingbird Saints will come calling. Perhaps only half of them and that will be bad enough.

I’ve had too much to drink. I went out and tried to be something like a barfly. I tried to do the things that others do, to do things that would be fun, to leave the comfort of my own home and well, it was both good and bad.

GF was supposed to meet me at the bar, but instead she got out of school late so immediately we had to go to the grocery store and you know how that does wonders for my mood. Especially after three beers and a Hemingway daiquiri. And before that two cappuccinos. Looks like another red letter night for dreams.

We’re sitting at the table, she’s reading, and I’m thinking about nothing because my brain is racing like a pro.

Well I just don’t get inspired by alcohol like some people do. And now GF is moving to the couch, so I will have to follow suit, and she will fall asleep soon and I am working back to back doubles starting tomorrow so if I know what’s best for me I’ll go to sleep, just like she will in a matter of minutes, because she can’t be comfortable and read and drink tea without falling asleep.

I thought I had it all figured out, a number of times today, and then I don’t know, I got home and called Citibank.

Ohio Won’t Remember Me

Well I’ll be damned. Ya’ll are some irascible mother fuckers. God damn I love you crazy bastards.

And I use irascible in the street sense of course. Which means cool as shit.

Well I had myself a time writing that essay, and a better time reading your comments.

And there is just so much shit that I want to say right now, and I won’t get any of it done I know. Because it’s about Midnight and Ohio won’t remember shit. AKA GF is almost ready for bed and I still haven’t showered.

I wanted to talk about what I just ate and how damned good it was. And the work day with coworker. The coworker from the other posts. Everything turned out hunkey dorey with that red faced dude. Man, I like him actually. And I wanted to talk about how I been looking at Seth Godin all wrong. I been straight up talking a lot about that dude, in fact he’s about to rival Chuck Klosterman for most talked about dude on Anyone’s Ghost. But all my memories of what Seth Godin is talking about are all skewed because I read them like three or more years ago and I’m a whole different dude these days. And I wanted to talk about…something else too what was it. Oh how I totally lied to my coworker and he loved me for it.

In a perfect world I’ll have some time to write tomorrow. But the world ain’t perfect so we’ll just have to see.

But ho damn I just ate the most luxurious shit. Just walked through the door and had some roast duck and some squash soup GF made in class. Then I had some banana bread GF made at home. And I drank some Harpoon Winter Warmer. I feel so warm on the inside.