Watch Out for Pranks Today, Everyone Will Think Less of You If You Don’t See One Coming.

Some cars and a traffic light.

I’ll never let my kids work in restaurants

even though the maitre d’ said everyone should be required to work in restaurant or at least retail so they know how to act when they go out in the real world

fuck that better for my kids to carry on blithely without ever considering the emotional turmoil they’re putting people through

because they’ll have enough of their own without dealing with the possible pain of others

the kids will probably have brain damage or debilitating diseases in which case they’ll be damn lucky to work anywhere

and even if they were healthy they’d just rebel and go work in restaurants so I’ll just have to burn their restaurant down.

Some cars and a traffic light.

Sometimes I lie on the street.


Kids and That

Yesterday I saw a kid snarl at his dad. It was crazy because he was acting all happy and calling me ‘sir’ when he was going to order but then his dad said he would probably like braised calamari and the kid sunk his head low and bared his teeth like a wild animal and he says, “I only like FRIED calamari.” All crazy like. And then the dad said calm down and I was thinking maybe the kid has a disorder.

I mean what are you going to do if your kid starts acting like that? My parents would’ve slapped me across the face, and they still do that to my sister’s kids. Not as hard as they can but hard enough. If my kid acted crazy like that I’d probably be like fuck it I can’t leave the house with this animal.

That shit is probably going to happen to me. I’ll get some kind of headstrong kid who I can’t control and eventually they’ll grow up to be a mass murderer or worse, some kind of super douche. 

Then again, mass murderers and super douches run the world, so maybe that would be the best gift I could give the kid.

Yeah I’ll probably have a kid in like three years barring any super depressing fertility issues. Hoo dang nobody wants to go through that! That shit is rough. Here you are trying to overpopulate the world with super douche half white kids and you can’t even get a start.

Next thing you know your wife can’t stand to look at you. Or worse you have a kid but it dies at 3 months old. Then what? 

All that and in the end even if you’re successful the kid is snarling about some goddamn calamari.