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Holy shit. I don’t want to write. I am so tired.

I’m listening to Lee Burridge’s new track 12cc. It’s awesome.

I’m waiting for the train home from work. 

I invited the girl I was formerly obsessed with to the party on Governor’s Island where I’m going to take ecstasy. 

She’s thinking about it.

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Someone! 

Ran for the train. Caught the train.

Last night I went out drinking and drunk texted everyone, even the girl from Boston. Anyone will do when I get drunk. I feel so lonely at home. I never want to leave the bar. But I left around 2:30 and was all responsible and took a car and shit and got home safe and when I got there I was pissed and lonely.

Then I woke up this morning feeling so embarrassed about the dumbass texts I had sent.

Then I worked twelve hours and now I’m on the fuckin train home and it’s way before midnight. 

People are making out like fuckin emus over here. All necks and awkwardness. 

Invalid

Yesterday I got so tired. We walked around Central Park and the upper east side. We saw a fire up there. Then we were completely fucked by the subway. Then we tried to negotiate the streets in a Lyft. That was even worse. We had to run a mile to the next station to make sure he got to his second day of work on time. We pretended like nothing happened. 

I drank a glass of white wine and felt woozy and phlegm collected in my throat. I slept ten hours and now I don’t want to get out of bed. We have a lot of work to do, but I’m worried I’m neglecting other work I have to do. It’s like I’m back where I was. In some ways. Maybe once I get out of this bed I’ll be alright.

Alone and Drunk, Only…Outside

It doesn’t warrant explanation, the way I ended up slightly drunk at or around 9:45 PM on the night of tonight at the restaurant. I was supposed to go out after work with a coworker, and I never do that. It was a special occasion. She is leaving.

So I planned and planned it for a week, but today it rained and she ate too much candy and could not go out.

I find myself in Bowery Station, holding my knees, having just so narrowly so narrowly avoided… that thing that happens when you are slightly drunk in a permissive place, a warm place. But I would tell you about that. Only not tonight. There is only so much time before I need to walk through the projects and get myself home. 

Perhaps you should know something about it, it is too deep a rabbit hole.

For reasons you shouldn’t care about I was both happy and sad, holding my knees, telling a man in a tunic that the train would come.

I got on the train and I see an advertisement for NYC Well, which advertisement asserts that I can call 24/7, toll free to talk about stress, depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse. I think about it. I’ve never thought about it before.

I opened WordPress but on my phone, my phone was still in email. And the first email tells me that my free ride from Lyft is about to expire. How perfect. Nothing a drunk lower middle class man likes better. 

Than a free taxi home after a night.