Liebster Award

Matticus was kind enough to nominate me for my first blogging award. It’s kind of cheating because anyone can be nominated for a Liebster award. And what’s more, people MUST be nominated, since you need to nominate a number of other blogs just to accept the award. I found someone who accepted the award  in an “honorary” fashion, so that she wouldn’t have to do the work associated with it. I thought that was smart, but I wanted to play along a little bit and also show my gratitude to my blog friend for thinking of me. And after all it is the first award I’ve won, so that’s special. So I’ve decided not to pass along the award, but I will answer the questions.

1. If you were a knight, what would your knightly name be?

Sir Charlamagne-de-Copenhagen

2. What is your quest?  (What is the purpose of your blog?  What do you write?  What do you get out of it?)

I started it in a moment of boredom and said Fuck it. That’s basically my quest in life, to fuck it.

3. What is your favorite color?  (Seriously just asking about your favorite color.)

Green

4. What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?  (This is sort of a bonus question – Google or Wikipedia might be able to help.  I will accept an answer for either the African or European variety.)

Six billion cubits per milli-eon for African Swallows, while all European Swallows will not take flight if unladen. You have to know these things…

5. What is your favorite Monty Python movie or sketch?  And why?  (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge…)

Roman Guard: Crucifixion! Nasty eh?

Old Man: Not so bad.

Not so bad? Crucifixion is the worst punishment imaginable! What could be worse? (paraphrase)

Well, could be stabbed.

Stabbed? It’s over in a second! Crucifixion takes hours! It’s slow, painful torture!

Well, at least you’re out in the fresh air.

… You’re WEIRD.

From Life of Brian. Because of John Cleese pronunciation of “weird.”

6. How much do you hate lists?  (You can answer this question any way you like: comparison, a picture representation, with a list, a number on a scale (out of 5 out of 10 out of 42), etc…)

A list killed my grandfather’s hound dog, who was much beloved by all.

7. If you were a woodchuck, how much wood would you chuck?  (See question 6 for suggestions on acceptable answers.)

Fuck chuckin’ I’d take a nap instead.

8. If you could be any character from TV or film, who would you be and why?  (Moe from the Simpsons so you could own your own bar?  Princess Leia from Star Wars because she looks good and knows how to fight?  Or Beatrix A Kiddo from Kill Bill for that matter?  Indiana Jones because he is awesome? etc…)

Jack Sparrow, duh.

Damn It Damn It Damn It

Here’s what I’ve got so far for my illustrious new essay on people who don’t think their blogs are good enough to read:

 

The particular writing paradox I want to address is illustrated succinctly by this quote from a blog post entitled “Here We Go Again,” from The Matticus Kingdom:

I’d really like to be able to make a living doing this writing thing and I’m hoping this blog will be a good platform to learn and grow as a writer, test my abilities, and build up a following.  Though, I’m not sure who would be silly enough to actually enjoy anything I write.

I’ve seen it said a hundred different ways and the first time I saw it was on my own blog, probably twelve different ways in twelve different posts that I posted on the same day.

Most everyone who blogs has at least considered making money from writing. I’m going to go so far as to say that most everyone who blogs fancies themselves a writer. And everyone knows these days that whatever you’re doing, you should probably have a following, a tribe, a platform. But how the hell do you do that? Well, you probably type that question into Google and spend the next three hours learning how to create a following. Then you don’t do anything about it for another week. Then you sit down to write some of your novel and you think, shit, I should probably have a following. Then you wonder why you haven’t been blogging all week.

Well, that’s one way things can go. Another way is you have those ideas in the back of your head, about a platform and this and that, and you think, well shit, I’m going to just write whatever I want on this blog. No one can stop me! But then you’re pretty sure that’s a bad idea. No one gets a following that way. Like Seth Godin says, are you sure what you’re saying is interesting, or is it just interesting to you? Well, if you’re a writer and you probably are, you’re probably pretty sure nothing you have to say is interesting, except those things that you work really hard on and edit and revise and you’re working on that, it’s coming out next summer, you swear!

 

Well that’s it. It sounds like a god damn preface to writing blogs for dummies. How did I get so detached from the subject? How did me become you? How did I lose the feeling…how did I lose the subject for that matter? I’m talking about this cycle that happens to me, not what I mean to be talking about which is this widespread belief that what you’re writing isn’t fit for reading. What you’re writing? What we’re writing? Shit! This is hard.