Disagreeing With Roger Ebert

So I’m on a kick of thinking that movie reviewers are incompetent. Or I just don’t understand movie reviewing.

I know one thing that I think, and that is Roger Ebert’s review of Rampart is not good.

In this review of the movie Rampart, Roger Ebert says that Dave Brown reminds him of Judge Holden in Blood Meridian. I had to look up whether Blood Meridian became a movie already and he was perhaps talking about Judge Holden in the movie version, but no. He’s talking about Judge Holden in the book version of Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. He calls Judge Holden “one of the most evil characters in American fiction.” I feel like Judge Holden wasn’t an evil character he was the embodiment of evil itself. He was omniscient like the devil if the devil was omniscient. He was a pedophile. How can you compare Dave Brown in Rampart to Judge Holden?

You can only do that if you are thinking of evil characters. Hm, list of evil characters, Judge Holden, Captain Hook, Humbert Humbert, Dave Brown, Hamburglar, Alonzo Harris. Ok fine those are all evil characters. Where’s the fucking nuance though man what the fuck is happening to this world. You’re going to mention one character in your review of a movie and you review movies for a living and have done for so long that I actually heard your name. And it’s going to be Judge fucking Holden?

Dave Brown is a bad person but I think the movie showed enough complexity in his character so that Roger Ebert would compare him to someone else. Who? I don’t know who because I’m not a movie reviewer. That’s not my responsibility right now. Even the Grandpa in Chinatown isn’t as evil as Judge Holden and he had sex with his daughter. Least Dave Brown feels sad that his daughters hate him.

I guess it’s dumb to think the popular movie reviewer would be any good. I don’t know maybe he had an off day.

Movie Reviews Part 2

I was thinking more about The Banshees of Inishiren.

Does this need a spoiler alert? When I wrote my term paper in high school and read criticism of John Updike’s Rabbit Run, did the critics say spoiler alert? I guess that was before the internet.

Anyway there’s a scene where Colm is confessing to the priest. The priest sails in every Sunday. And Colm is clearly an atheist but still a Catholic. So he goes to confession every week. I think there are three confession scenes. Maybe two. Two of the scenes are pretty funny because in one him and the priest start yelling at each other and telling each other to get fucked and stuff like that. But the other one is the one I’m talking about.

Colm stops talking to Padraic which is the inciting event for the whole movie. Well I guess I don’t have to tell you how the plot goes if this is literary criticsim, right? I guess I have to read some literary criticism and stop just going off my memory about it.

Anyway Colm finds out Padraic’s donkey chokes to death and Padraic now wants to murder Colm because it was Colm’s fault to a degree and next thing you know the asshole policeman comes into the bar and starts to insult Padraic and his donkey and Colm punches him in the face. It’s a great scene but that’s also not the scene I was thinking about.

I was thinking about the scene with the confession and the priest says doesn’t Colm have anything else to confess about? And Colm says no and the priest says, “punching a police officer isn’t a sin?” And Colm says, “If punching a policeman is a sin, we might as well pack up and go home.”

I was going to say some more about what I thought about the movie or whatever but it has taken too much time and effort to get to this point. I guess I rather watch the movie with someone and then be like, “Did you see when he was saying punching a policeman is…that part? Ha that shit was awesome. So true.” And pretend we both understand what it means.

Movie Reviews

Last night I watched The Banshees of Inishiren for the first time. It was a great movie. I love Martin McDonaugh. If you like this blog you probably like or would like Martin McDonaugh, too. He is always having some outlandish shit happening in his stories. His work is sad and funny and true.

I went online afer the movie was over to get some idea of how people reacted to it, as I often do. I found that I couldn’t really find a movie review that made sense to me. I probably just don’t understand the idiom of film reviews.

I don’t know what I’m looking for exactly. Something like a literary criticism essay.

Anyone know where to find that?