Fucking Cats Jesus Christ

Remember I wrote a long time ago about how people have pets and kids because then someone has to love them. And pets don’t ask you dumbass questions when you come home drunk.

I been quarantined with my two cats in a small apartment and I really hate these motherfuckers. I know that makes me a bad person.

I’m moving to a new place soon. I hope I will like them again then.

They are always crying and shit. I feed them five times a day and clean up their shit and sometimes they vomit. I don’t think there’s anything I touch more than the cat food in all it’s forms.

They jump on you when you’re super stressed the fuck out and instead of being like aw thanks I’m like get the FUCK OUT OF HERE. I don’t yell at them because I’m nice so I just put them on the ground and that’s hard enough as it’s a disappointment to them, but god damn these mother fuckers will be the death of me.

They’re fighting, which really makes it terrible, because I have to keep them separated. I always have to have one of the rooms of the tiny apartment closed up. They’re always trying to escape, too, and the one is like a fucking predatory goat as in he eats everything. But ironically he also has a stomach condition so if he eats anything besides his expensive ass prescription cat food he throws up.

They’ve been fighting for a year now.

My computer is about to die right now but I won’t go in the other room to get my charger because the super crazy one is in there and he will be crying his ass of because he eats every day at 10 PM and it’s 9:44.

I always wanted to stay home all day, but I never thought I’d be doing it with everyone else at the same time.

Now just what the fuck is going on here?

First of all, FUCK this new WordPress editor and these fucking blocks.

Second of all, what’s up fools!

How am I still getting 30 people visiting this blog a month. What is anyone even looking at? And if you’re going to come all the way here could you at least LIKE something?

It’s a got damned pandemic out there motherfuckers.

Out here in New York City it’s a fucking riot a minute and yet the streets are quiet. They couldn’t even go through with the fucking Firework Conspiracy. If the Police are defunded you can’t even tell. The protests happened and then white people went on road trips. Uhauls everywhere.

The god damned stock market is through the roof as if we’re fucking making something out here, when we ain’t making shit. Millions of crazy ass no job having bastards are out of work and getting paid for it by Milton Friedman and Alan Greenspan.

I got out of bartending at the wrong damn time. Coulda rode straight into this thing, seen the restaurant fall to pieces, collected the UBI and wrote a fucking novel about white fragility.

I ain’t hardly drank alcohol in two fucking years and I ain’t done drugs all summer thanks to social god damned distancing.

I bought this apartment to sleep in but now I gotta live in this bitch.

And they straight sweeping shit under the rug just as fast as people can shit on the floors. These are some Mary Poppins rugs out here y’all.

Bout to have a god damned election in America between a 90 year old white guy and another 90 year old white guy. Who are these old mother fuckers? These fuckers snuck in the ageism trying to make it sound like racism. Talking bout we can’t be ageist. Fuck that shit! These old ass mother fuckers got to go. I’m pretty sure I love my grandfather but I would never listen to that dude tell me how to buy a can of tomatoes so why I’m going to tell him run for president?

Haha! Damn y’all what a world.

What a fucking shit show. And the shit is literally a show. On YouTube we got Malcolm Gladwell out here rolling his eyes about shit he should be killing people over, and Steven Pinker getting upset about it. We got Joe Rogan trolling six million people every Tuesday and Thursday. And while we doing all that, a whole bunch of employees of major news corporations still have jobs just so they can have something to play outside the fake Dunkin Donuts at all the empty ass federally subsidized airports.

Thank God in Xyrs infinite grace we still got Cornell fucking West.

These motherfuckers out here got me ready to self segregate based not on skin color, but based on I don’t want to be round y’all crazy ass weirdos no more. So what I do?

Mofucker I ain’t Jesus, I’m cashing in my privilege with the rest of these assholes and I’m moving up north to a god damned mountain. Fuck this shit y’all do what you want.

Is the Corona real? Is the Movement real? Is the America real? Is the geopolitical landscape real?

Nah man you know what’s real is this terrible ass WordPress editor. All I want to do is type some shit and maybe put a picture in and I got to use these goddamn blocks? What do I look like, Tony Single out here making a comic strip?

Governor’s Ball 2017

Rain and music and four stages, mud and piles of amorous tweens. None of it good.
Nine hours later, they washed around us happy towards Wiz Khalifa behind us. Like the dead we moved against them towards new, moonlit marijuana clouds.
Unfortunate conversations gave way to “Wear the grudge like a crown.”
So implausible an event, and there we were.

Stop Loss

Whoa man I missed some time there, missed some posts there I apologize. 

It was crazy the weekend and I didn’t have a free moment. I went home and tried to observe my family. It was utter insanity what went on there and how I was able to ignore it for years. I don’t know how I’ll get the strength to confront it.

Then I saw Tool yesterday. I’ll tell you about it later.

The Disapproval of a New Friend

Flickering lights above the panty store. An irreversible march towards summoning a black car T6 something something something. So many thoughts you can’t separate them, you can’t even pick a handful. A damn shame the weather so nice and why you sitting there quart container full of acid reflux in your lap. Alone. Waiting to help out a friend with a fetish. 

You’re not clever, you know, when you speak like that. You’re not clever, you know, when you talk to yourself like that.

Wouldn’t have noticed the battery on edge if I didn’t pull up Spotify looking for Travis Scott. Never heard of this dude till the other night, I swear. I swear I never did! I don’t watch what you watch, everyone. I don’t do the things everyone does!

Hahaha fuck it. Yeah I do. I’m a classic man. I’m an average man. I’m a man in a bench with a stomach ache and cartilage in my teeths.

Night Call

Dude. Shits crazy.

I’m in love with everyone. Just want to go out all the time. Hang out. Can’t stand being home the only one awake late at night. Need somebody I can text all kinds of crazy shit. Need a day job. I ran all day, did all kinds of shit, had fifteen moments of transcendence. Get home and it’s not enough. Staring at splotches of color on my lovers face under the harsh subway lights.

Ah.

What to do. Get a different job. Keep this job. Drink all night. Sleep all night. Calm down, you’ll be asleep soon enough what’s the big deal? I don’t know but it is a big deal. Never want anything to end. Except this interminable loneliness at the end of the night. 

Wife is asleep. Wife wake up. Let’s be together now. Don’t wake me up, she says. Don’t make me not asleep, she says. If you stare at me too hard she says it wakes me up. 

Nah. 

Maybe jerk off. Maybe I should try some pills. Maybe I shoulda smoked some weed. But no, tried that before. Came home the oven light wasn’t even on. Brother’s down the street. What’s good? Could try it out. He’s only 66% as old as I am, what does he know? Maybe if he was a girl I wasn’t related to. Need to work harder apparently. Work too hard to sleep. 

Probably figure I’m looking at porn right now. With the bathroom fan on. The only room I can be alone in. I suppose I could write at the table, who would know? I suppose I could try that after all. 

But then again I need my rest. I must go to bed. I must go to sleep. It’s only a few minutes of restlessness. Just push on through to the other side.